Tuesday, February 26, 2008

You Know You're Australian If......

1. You know the meaning of the word "girt"

2. You believe that stubbies can be either drunk or worn

3. You think it's normal to have a leader called Kevin.

4. You waddle when you walk due to the 53 expired petrol discount vouchers stuffed in
your wallet or purse.

5. You've made a bong out of your garden hose rather than use it for something illegal such as watering the garden

6. You believe it is appropriate to put a rubber in your son's pencil case when he first attends school

7. When you hear that an American 'roots for his team' you wonder how often and with whom?

8. You understand the phrase "a group of women wearing black thongs' refers to footwear and may be less alluring than it sounds.

10. You pronounce Penrith as "Pen-riff"

11. You believe the 'l' in the word "Australian" is optional

12. You can translate "Dazza and Shazza played Acca Dacca on the way to Maccas"

13. You believe it makes perfect sense for a nation to decorate its highways with large fibreglass bananas, prawns and sheep

14. You call your best friend "a total bastard" but someone you really, truly despise is just "a bit of a bastard"

15. You think "Woolloomoloo" is a perfectly reasonable name for a place

16. You're secretly proud of our killer wildlife

17. You believe it makes sense for a country to have a $1 coin that is twice as big as a $2 coin.

18. You understand that "Wagga Wagga" can be abbreviated to "Wagga" but that "Woy Woy" cannot be called 'Woy'

19. You believe that cooked-down axle grease makes a good breakfast spread.

20. You believe all famous Kiwis are actually Australian, until they stuff up, at which point they again become Kiwis.

21. Hamburger. Beetroot. Of course.

22. You know that certain words must, by law, be shouted out during any rendition of the Angel's song "Am I Ever Gonna See Your Face Again"

23. You believe, as an article of faith, that the confectionery known as the 'Wagon Wheel' has become smaller with every passing year.

24. You still don't get why the "Labor" in "Australian Labor Party" is not spelled with a 'u'.

25. You wear ugh boots outside the house.

26. You believe that the more you shorten someone's name, the more you like them.

28. Whatever your linguistic skills, you find yourself able to order takeaway fluently in every Asian language.

29. You understand that "excuse me" can sound rude, while a "scuse me" is always polite.

30. You know what it's like to swallow a fly, on occasion via your nose.
31. You understand that 'you' has a plural and its "youse"

32. You know its not summer until the steering wheel is too hot to handle.

33. Your biggest family’ argument over the summer concerned the rules for Beach Cricket.

34. You shake your head in horror when companies try to market what they call ANZAC cookies.

35. You still think of Kylie as "that girl off Neighbours"

36. When returning home from overseas you expect to be brutally strip-searched by Customs - just in case you're trying to sneak in fruit.

37. You believe the phrase "smart casual" refers to a pair of black tracky-daks, suitably laundered.

38. You understand that all train timetables are works of fiction.

39. When working on a bar, you understand male customers will feel the need to offer an excuse whenever they order low-alcohol beer.

40. You get choked up with emotion by the first verse of the national anthem and then have trouble remembering the second.

41. You find yourself ignorant of nearly all the facts deemed essential in the government’s new test for migrants.

42. You know, whatever the tourist books say, that no one says 'cobber'

43. You know that only other Australians, here and overseas, will understand this list.

"The proper means of increasing the love we bear our native country is to reside some time in a foreign one."

... William Shenstone

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